Positively Positive

Here's a little thing about me.  I can be an angry person sometimes. There are people out there with certain kinds of personalities that I just CAN NOT stand. It's the people who just spit out whatever asinine thought comes to their head without thinking it through or giving it any thought at all, it's those people that think THEY are always right, bigots, racists, male chauvinist pigs, people who talk shit behind their friends backs to me, people who can't learn and grow from their mistakes  people who hold grudges, people who can't accept changes, people who bitch about technology but are constantly on the internet and going to the doctor, people who claim they are 100% sure there is a god (of ANY kind)...

So back to me being angry.  I, for a long time, have been an angry person, pretty bitchy at times.  As I have gotten older, I have learned to work on these issues.  With being angry, comes unhappiness, bitterness and resentment. Some time in my mid 30's, I realized these things about myself, really saw myself for who I was. So started the very slow process of change for me, and when I say slow, I mean S L O W!

I look at myself now and compare me to then, and frankly, there is not much comparison. I yell less, i don't throw things when I'm pissed, I take deep breaths, go for long walks, sit quietly and reflect and just try to straighten out my thoughts before flying of the handle. This does not mean I don't sometimes still fly off the handle, but I have also learned to apologize, sincerely and earnestly.

I, as many people, cuz this boat I am on is a full one, have had many losses, and have made so many mistakes and have had SO many regrets. Learning to teach myself to be a better person has been a process.  I'm still not there, but I can with certainty say, I have come a long way baby!

There are still things I WILL NOT tolerate, bigotry, racism, and religion(of ANY kind). I still will argue those points with anyone vehemently, and if you say ANYTHING bad about ANY of my kids, I'll tear you a new one! I KNOW how my kids are, they are imperfect, beautiful, unique and caring. So, I don't any asshole telling ME about MY kids (who are not kids anymore, they are all young adults). They are young adults with struggles and quirks and determination. 

So, about me. I have grown. I take things in stride as much as I can now, I am trying to be a happier me, try to accept people's annoyances and I am trying to make some kind of difference for someone's life.  I have currently chosen saving dogs from kill shelters and transporting them to no kill shelters. I believe dogs can bring so much joy to someone's life, so in a round about way, I feel like I not only help that dog, but can also help people who adopt that dog have a great life with a life long friend.

I've decided  I don't want to live in the shadow of my past regressions, because doing that does not allow for full growth, it's like an anchor that just weighs us down.

I'm trying for a more positive and healthy life. I want to see my grandchildren and watch them grow, I want to see my kids reach each step of success and celebrate with them, I want to be a better me. 

I tell myself, when bad things happen, that these are those bumps on the road you just go over or around, I try to feel worthy, and I love more now than I have ever loved in my life.

I remember my daughter asking me once when she was little why I didn't hug much, and I didn't, I don't even know why, I had no answer. My mom was a hugger, big time! Now I look back and I think I was just so scared, and bitter and I just didn't like myself very much, so hugging was a pleasure I not only did not do enough for my kids, but I too missed out on it. In the process of punishing myself, I was unknowingly punishing my kids. Now, I hug them when I see them and I don't want to let go.  I want each hug to last and make up for all the hugging I didn't do. 

My regrets now are melting away.  I am leaving the past where it belongs, IN THE PAST! I want to be a better me, and not only for myself, but for the people around me who I love so much. 

I lost so much time. And even tho it is too late for some things, if you are still alive and kicking, it is not too late to be a better you.

I feel a calmness within me that I had never felt before. Even in times of issues, after the initial shock of things, I still feel calmer than I used to. I still yell a bit, I'm Cuban! There is only so much I can do about that! =) But, mostly, I try to gather my thoughts first before I overreact. I am a crier, I cry over small things. I can see a moving commercial, and I'll cry. I think I just feel things very deeply sometimes, good or bad things, and crying is my outlet.

This story might seem stupid to those who have either always been calm people or figured it out long before me, but to me, it's a story of my growth and to me it's something. 

I am who I am today because of my three great kids who have each touched my life and have taught me so much about myself and about patience =)

God B Less!

My First Grandson. Coming soon!

Yup! In July 2013, I will get to meet my first grandson! I am so excited!  My youngest son and his girlfriend are expecting.  This is a joyous occasion that would be that much joyous if my son's girlfriend did not dislike me so much.  I was hoping I could participate in this development and get pictures of preggo mom and watch as her belly grow holding my grandson's life within her, but no cigar. I don't get to be part of that, and well, I feel like I am missing out. It's bad enough I am far away and don't get to actually be there, but I was hoping that through pictures and Skype, I would get to participate in this part too.

So, for now, I will just be happy that I will get to at least meet him in July!

I am also hoping that as he gets bigger, he will be able to come and spend some vacations with grandma and grandpa, cuz we can be awful fun and we have LOTS of space out here for a boy to run around, go fishing and discover things you just can't discover in Los Angeles.  

Meanwhile, I am just anxious and excited and happy to be abuela!

Huarry up July!  Get here already!

Tickets are booked for July 23rd. Dunno how long I will stay, it all depends on whether I am needed or not.  (Hoping to be needed for at least an extra week =)

<3Love & Peace\/

It Is Ever Too Late

Here’s the thing. Everyone has heard the saying “It’s never too late!”

Well, that’s a lie.

It is ever too late, eventually. For whatever reason, age, money, situation, health, etc... But, the fact is that eventually, it is too late.
How grim, huh? But here’s another saying, “Sometimes the truth hurts”, and boy, ain’t that the truth!

As I am getting older, I been doing A LOT of reflecting, and that’s when that thought hit me, it is eventually too late. It’s too late to start a new career, it’s too late to find the love of your life, it’s too late to go to all those places you wanted to travel to, that dream you had, is no longer obtainable. Is there a solution to this dilemma? I don't know, I haven't gotten that far yet. I’m still trying to figure out if ANY of the things I want in life are obtainable any more, and I have not yet come up with an answer, or a solution, depending on how you want to look at the issue.

I do have some old boring advice for those of you still young enough, still strong and healthy and who can still obtain a dream. Simple things that can help you avoid a lot of heartaches and disappointments later in life. Life is not always going to be great, but if you start out in the right direction the younger you are, the better. Once you’re on your own and are thinking, “This is great, now I can do whatever I want”, but all you end up doing is wasting a lot of time getting drunk, partying too much, and just being lazy and doing nothing at all, this is a sure way of never ever getting anywhere.  My advice is for both male and female.

Once you’re on your own, you have to start planning, not for the next weekend, but for your entire life. Yup, that early. There are so many factors and situations are different, so obviously, some of you are going to have to work harder than others, but it will be worth it!
After you have made a life plan, what you want to do, (do what you love if at all possible, this will be half the effort right there), you can then set obtainable goals. Think in 5 year increments. From the point that you start planning, think of where you want to be and what you want to be doing in those 5 years, then every 5 years reassess your situation and set another goal. Don’t get distracted!!  Have fun! By all means, have fun. Life without fun is no life at all! But don’t let that fun take away from your main goals. Learn to optimize your time, learn this early!!

Never take your eye off the mark. There will be bumps on the road. Jobs will come and go, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, and your will WILL be tested. But keep your eye on that goal. It’s a lot of work! But work is so much easier when you are young and alert and still have that drive and desire. 
DON’T let another person run your life. Run your own life, say no when you have to, don't be afraid to say no!! The more in charge you are of your own life, the more free and in control you will be and feel. People are a huge distraction. Make time for friends and family, but keep the number one goal (yourself) first! Keep reassessing your life. If there are things you don't like or want, change them now, it gets harder to change those things as you get older, sometimes it’s just impossible.

Fall in love with someone who only has eyes for you. This is an important thing, pay attention! If you choose someone you want to spend your entire life, choose carefully, go slow. Get to know this person to make sure this is someone you want to see everyday. Don’t settle.  It is best to be alone than to be with someone and be miserable. Make sure you talk about all the important things before making that last final commitment. Kids, how you are going to raise them, religion (or lack thereof one would hope), talk about sex, talk about growing old together and what you want from each other, cuz guess what kids, the honeymoon does not last forever, and those first 3 years are a doozy! Remember you are not perfect, so do not expect perfection from the other person. One learns to deal with or even love those little annoying things sometimes.

It is ever too late. One day it will be too late. And when it is and you haven’t accomplished anything you thought you would in life, you will be sad about it and you will be wondering where the time went and you’ll want to go back and do it over again, but you can’t, because it is ever too late.

\/ peace&love <3 in a godless world

And thank you for listening ~

Money and Time Better Spent, Perhaps?

I posted an article on G+ which really made me think about what we do as atheits and how others may see us. This article being one of those things about burning bible pages. Is this really going to make ANY difference? Doesn't it just make us look just as stupid and intolerant as they are?

Brings me back to being a treenager and how the christians went crazy burning rock n roll albums and books they didn't see fit, and I remember laughing at that and thinking, how petty, what does this do?Made the teenagers want these albums and books even more.

Are we also destroying literature? Hey, it may not be good literature, but it is defintely part of history, LoL, so much so, that look at how we all fight about who's right.

The thousands of dollars spent on bus ads and billboards and conventions that pretty much just attract other atheist and nutjob protestors....   all this money!!!  I am sure many of you have gone to TAM and have had a great time (I can't afford it, so I have never been, don't think I'd bother if I could)...   But I have seen the price tag...   really? Why? To get a picture with Randy, Penn, Pz Myers?  (I have a picture with Matt Dillahunty at the one and only convention I have ever been to, it was free, I volunteered in order to attend) VERY glad I did not pay the $145.00 (per person) for the two day event, so NOT worth it,  I would have been very upset if I had spent that money just to hear people talk about the obvious and things I already knew.

Maybe it's just me, and I "don't get it", whatever.

I would like to see these big names on humanitarian causes and issues... and I am sure they give money to these causes as well (?) But it's the fights about billboards and bus signs that we stand out for.

I am proud when we stand for the seperation of church and state, I am proud when I hear the occasaionl story of an atheist who did something heroic...  but they are so few in comparison to the nonsense I have to read about how we are burning bible pages,  yeehaw!!!

Fuck it all. Do we as atheists have OUR priorities straight? Or are we just acting like they act only the opposite..  confusing, I know, but think about it.

Originally posted on Posterous at 3:51 pm on Fri, Sep 16, 2011

My Religion is Better Than Yours! =P

LoL..  OK,  Earlier today, I was having a comical argument with Kreg on which was more correct,  the religion I grew up in (Evangelical) or his (Catholic).  Should have recorded the conversation. Would have been good Family Guy script!

In 'my' religion you just had to accept Jesus in to your heart as your personal savior, then live the horror that is the Evangelical church and it's crazy lies and "faith" in magic (only they call them miracles).  In 'his' religion you had to go through some regimen as a kid and give your life to the catholic church, then confess all the time to some guy in a gown who claims he has the ok from god to forgive you, then suffer the rest of your life trying to live a good catholic life that you WILL never achieve cuz you can sin with you mind (this was true of 'my' religion too), so as a catholic young boy, fukkit, you are ALWAYS sinning.

Things "our" religions have in common:
- Sinning with your mind
- Masturbation is a big NO NO (You KNOW they are always sinning on this one)
- Sex outside of marriage, sin
- Blasphemy (I am WAY fuct on this one!)
- Catholics think all non-Catholics are not heaven bound, Christians think that all non-Christians are going to hell         (Especially the Catholics, because they are idol worshipers!)
- A life of guilt and servitude is required, and your money, they need your money too!
- And of course I am sure there are quite a few other obvious thing, like prayer, non-taxable organization, lying...etc.

Differences:

- Catholics go to a priest to confess their sins and be forgiven.  

*Christians say fuck the middle man and go straight to the big guy himself

- Catholics baptize babies because of "original sin", pretty fuct up, since you are condemned from birth. 

*Christians wait till the child is of "age of reason" (reason in the church LOL), then they very strongly encourage you towards baptism, since it is also a "choice" to make, you go through some bullshit class where they of course, lie to you, scare you with hell to "encourage" you to do it.  

-Catholics pray to a bunch of different saints. 

*Christians pray to god ONLY and think that Catholics are idol worshipers because they are praying to statues of people they have idolize.

-Catholics sermons are usually read in monotone voice, and there is a lot of repeating junk back and there is a lot of kneeling, sitting, standing, over and over. 

*Christians are more "charismatic", they dance in the holy spirit, sing in the holy spirit and talk in tongues, (these means they babble a bunch of nonsense and noises from their mouths and say that it is god talking through them.) I know, cuckoo!

-Catholics can drink and smoke (and apparently those higher up in the church can also rape little boys). 

*Christians condemn you for drinking or smoking...  Your body is the temple of god,  so tattoos are out too.

-Catholics drink real wine and have cool little wafers for communion, which they do every Sunday. Some also think that the wafer actually turns into the body of christ and the wine into blood when you ingest it,  Eeewwwwww!! 

*Christians have communion on special occasions, such as easter, and, in my church every last Sunday of the month *shrug* I don't know why. Christians also use grape juice (cuz of the whole drinking thing. Guess it was ok for their lord and savior to booze it up,  but not ok for the general public), and the 'wafer' is usually a piece of cracker, like a piece of unsalted Saltine crackers. They also think that this 'body' and 'blood' of christ is a symbolic gesture, they don't think it really turns in ti skin and blood...  again... Eeeewwwww!    

-Catholics have priests who wear expensive Liberace approved gowns with ornate large silly hats, that I am sure have been paid for by people's offerings and tithing. 

*Christians have pastors, ministers and evangelist who wear expensive  Armani suits and drive expensive cars, also paid for by the offerings and tithing's of their less fortunate congregation.  

-Catholics get away with child molesting and I'm assuming other crimes, cuz child molesting is a pretty big one, so other crimes must seem much more less important, but here's a list. 

*Christians have child molesters too, and clergy who also turn out to be gay (Ted Haggard), drug users (Ted Haggard), prostitute seeking pervs, and a nuerous of other crimes, here's another list.  

-Catholics have Episcopalians (Catholic light). 

*Christians have Unitarians (Christian Light) 

All religions have their differences, and everyone part of that particular religion thinks their interpretations and rituals are the right ones. Muslims take it a lot further than most religions, as do the Westboro Baptist Church nuts (Not even the "regular" Christians like them). 

But let's face it. They are they are reading same bible YOU are reading and taking it much more literal than the everyday Christian who just pick and choose what applies to them. Thus the term Smörgåsbord Christians was created =D 

If Christians/Catholics believe in the Bible, then they have to believe the WHOLE thing! You can't say parts apply and others don't, because who the hell determines that, plus, it's either true, or it's not?

Make a choice!

Make an EDUCATED choice about your believes and question everything! Don't just believe what some guy (or woman) is telling you just becasue they claim it comes from god,  there is a word for those kind of people, GULLIBLE.

All you Christians and Catholics out there, read your Bible, and not just the pretty Psalms and the obvious messages of people and helping eathoer out, read it all and see how violent and degenerate it is. Then maybe you'll think twice about letting your little kids read that filth. Here is a little video about marriage to illustrate what I mean about having to use all in the bible or nothing. Doesn't it seem just a bit silly?

Come on America!  We can overcome this huge bump in the road with some education (outside the Bible), reasoning and just pure logic. Break those chains that bind you, and you will feel truly free!

\/ peace&love <3 in a godless world

Originally posted on Posterous at 11:03 am on Thu, May 13, 2010

The REAL Marijuana

By REAL, I mean not the "Reefer Madness" weed,  but the real thing, the truth.  Let's face it, even if you don't admit it or don't smoke any more or whatever...  Us, the smokers, know that weed is not bad for you. It many ways it's even healthy. I'm not gonna list the medicinal uses for Marijuana, cuz you can just Google it =D

I posted this link earlier on Facebook and someone brought up the point of closet smokers.

Now of course we know why there are a lot of "closet" smokers.  Same reason there are closet homosexuals and atheist, people are afraid to come out becasue of what friends and family might say or think, repercussions at work, and of course with Marijuana there is the legality issue.  Which really is the only thing bad about Marijuana, it's that it's illegal, and there are thousands of pot smokers in prison.  And who did they hurt?  Oh yeah,  no one.

Now I am only talking about people who are just pot smokers. For example, I do not do drugs, or use alcohol ('cept for the occasional beer), and I don't smoke cigarettes. By choice. Not because someone told me not to. There is PROOF that cigarettes and alcohol are the leading causes of death per year. Tobacco is #1 and alcohol is closely behind at #3. You know how many reports of Marijuana caused deaths there are, ever, NONE!  ZERO!

Yet,  this is the drug most tested for in the US,  because it stays in your system longer.  So you could Meth up a few days before and test negative for that fucked up drug (I have personally seen what that shit does to people), and bam,  you got the job. But if you are intelligent, literate, knowledgeable and skilled in what you are applying for but test positive for THC,  you're fucked. Now isn't that not only silly and a total violation of my privacy, but also a HUGE waste of money and time and man power. I'm ok with testing,  but only if there is a reason to. Not just cuz.

OK,  here goes guys,  seriously,  I took my first puff at 13. I didn't become a regular smoker till I was like 18, when I was no longer in my house and in fear of getting busted by my parents.  And besides the times that I was pregnant and breast feeding, not because I think it's harmful, but because I'm not gonna force anyone, including my unborn child, to partake in something that they have not consented to.  But, after my kids were born and they were all weened, I started smoking again, and I have been smoking ever since!

I am an honest, thoughtful, good person.  Ask anyone who really knows me.  I have held down a job since I was 16. I raised my kids, although not perfect, not too bad.  If you know my kids,  you know what I mean. I've paid taxes, gone camping, gone to amusement parks, cook, love, share, talk to people, write, draw, make love, been to concerts, raised my kids, clean house,  have a life...  all while still being a "pothead". See,  I don't really give a rats ass what anyone thinks of me. I KNOW who I am am, Kreg knows who I am, my kids know who I am, and that is all that matters to me. Sorry the rest of you =D Although I am careful and I don't advertise being a pothead or an atheist boldly on any shirt, not in Iowa anyway, in Cali, no one cares. People are more accepting because they are so used of having to live in a varied environment, so it's live and let live. Awesome Beatles song, but also a great motto to live by.I just don't like people all up in my business. If I am harming no one and I am partaking in the events of this society (taxes, work, etc), well,  then WTF, why should anyone care what I do on my own time in my own life.  It's none of your business.  Go worry about the real drug issues. Prescription drugs are what people are addicted to, there is no addiction in Marijuana.  You don't go crazy or have withdrawals at anytime you might want to or have to stop smoking.  You miss it,  but your body does not go through a physical withdrawal..  no addiction, no harm, no crime.... Worry about the real criminals, the child molesters, rapists, wife beaters, etc...   You catch my drift...

Let's hit real quick on the subject of Marijuana being a "gateway drug". Now that's just silly!!  Do alcohol and cigarettes make you wanna try Heroine? No..  it doesn't (and those two things are definitely drugs, they both poison your system!). What makes people try other drugs is a few things,  some want to experiment, curiosity...  I did,  I just didn't wanna be an addict, so I tried, better never stayed.  I don't experiment anymore, cuz been there done that, and I only like my pot =D 

Marijuana appears to be a gateway drug because it is criminalized. So your kid's pot dealer, knowing he can make even more money says to your kid, "Hey man,  I have your weed, but I also got some meth,  wanna check it out?" And your curious kid does.  Figures, fukkit, they lied to me about weed,  what says they are not lying about Meth.  Well, we all know that the reason they are not lying about Meth is because there are tests that prove that meth is addictive and it deteriorates you. Same goes for any other chemical drugs, etc. That's why it's a gateway drug. There is nothing physically in Marijuana that makes say, "Oh shit,  I need Meth now!" That's on you! That's YOUR decision, not anything weed did.  Some people are just prone to be addicts. You see it around you all the time. There are those who can handle their liquor and go and have a drink or two, once in awhile, a glass of wine at night, whatever..  Then you see those who drink till they are stumbling, blithering idiots...  and funny thing is, that a lot of these alcoholics think Marijuana is bad.  It's just fucn laughable!!

Wake up people!  Be aware, be informed, be knowledgeable!  Don't just think something is so cuz you read ONE thing about it or because someone else told you it was so.  Do you're own research,  find out for yourself, talk to people who smoke, find out how they are. This doesn't mean that EVERY pothead is a winner..  Just like it doesn't mean that everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. Cigarette smokers,  screw you!  YOu guys have NO excuse. Smoking is bad and can potentially kill you. Those are the facts! But I don't think it should be illegal, cuz I support the right to ingest whatever the fuck I want,  It's MY body. I pretty much feel the same about religion, get informed, don't just take what someone tells you as fact. If you have REALLY read the bible, you'd be appalled at how violent it is,  but we let, and insist kids read it. That's pretty sick. (Sorry, off subject)  =D

If parents were more knowledgeable and truly informed about Marijuana, they can then inform their kids, tell them the truth, and at the same time, tell them about other drugs.  We have Google people,  there is nothing you can't find on here.  I just ask that when you do something like that you look at the sources that you are using.  Not all are credible or true. Look for several articles. You will notice that if you read pretty much anything by a religious person on the subject of Marijuana, they will be against it..  Not sure why,  maybe cuz it's illegal, because they have no other reason to hate it so much. After all,  their god made the goddamn thing, and then told them to enjoy of the fruits and plants! *shrug* (off subject, again) =D

So whether your in or out of that closet,  smoke on fellow pothead.  I hope to one day see an America that embraces Marijuana and ALL it's uses and stops lying to the people.

And people,  inform yourself,  just cuz some guy on a pulpit tells you it's so,  you are really just blind until you do the research and find the information for yourself.  Stop being lazy and get informed!!

\/ peace&love <3

Originally posted on Posterous at 11:03 am on Tue, May 11, 2010

Quest for Immortality

On Being Immortal
I think the thought of this possibility, is one of reasons that keeps religion(s) alive. Everyone wants to live forever! That sounds awesome! Whether it is in heaven, or with 72 virgins, or reincarnation; people want to live on forever… There are even people like this whack job who claim to have a product that will help you not only live forever, but also stay young. I guess if you start it when you’re old, you’re screwed *shrug* So religion promises people that they can live forever. Rom. 2:7 - "those who seek for glory, honor and immortality, (will get) eternal life" I Tim. 1:17 - "believe in Him (Jesus) for eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God..." II Tim. 1:10 - "our Savior, Christ Jesus, abolished death, and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel" Of course this is attractive to most. Who doesn’t want to live forever? But of course, it’s all lies! They entice people by lying to them. Once they have them hooked, then they throw in all the sinning stuff and damnation. But some are willing to live that life and believe those lies, without question and so blindly. It’s sad that so many people have given up thinking for this fake immortality. They have surrendered their minds over to a church, a belief system, without as much as a mere blink. I too grew up in the church, so right when my little mind was so vulnerable and simple, I was fed these lies. I knew nothing of immortality. But as I grew older it was important, it was scary to think of death, so knowing you would live forever was a comfort. What false sense of hope. As I became an atheist in my teens, I remember thinking of death and not being afraid anymore. I loved the thought of just dying… lights out, you’re done.  Death is tough for those left behind, anyone who has ever lost someone close to them can tell you how sad THEY feel, and the dead... feel nothing. So to all my atheist friends out there, don’t stress about death. It’s a light switch and then you’re done. I only wish to not die in pain, I think this is a logical request. I am hoping for lots of drugs, if I happen to die of something painful. LOTS of drugs! Enough to perhaps speed up the process of my death. So people ask me, what’s the purpose of life, if all there is after death is nothing. That’s easy,  LIFE itself. I seem to enjoy my life so much more because I know this is it! Look at all the wonderful things to see, read, learn. I want to learn all I can (even tho I suck at retaining things). I wanna be choosy about people I call friends, cuz I have no time for assholes in my life. I wanna see my kids succeed, because that gives me the most joy. Be happy with the small things in life and stop and look and notice. Take in as much as you can and share those things with the awesome people in your life, cuz that’s what life is about. Leave a little of you behind. With me its journals and little hand made things, usually done with my kids in mind. I write my kids letters in my journals, I write my thoughts and hopes and dreams. I explain my atheist views, because I want people to remember me as an atheist. An atheist who was kind to others, funny, loving and caring. Make this life count. Thank you for listening! \/ peace&love  <3

Originally posted on Posterous at 8:33 am on Mon, Aug 31, 2009